By Guest Blogger: Michael Jagdeo (Comedian)

Yesterday I mused that celebrities attract us because they are the most successful of our species. It’s lead me to write the following bit that is going to be a candidate to enter my seven-minute stand-up comedy set.

UPDATED Feb 7 2012! Since visiting an open mic, I’ve updated this joke (older version can be seen at the end of this post)

Kim Kardashian Fucked them…now you want to Boycott her?

Premise:

• I was doing a search on Kim Kardashian the other day and I came across a site calledBoycottKim.com…I guess they hated her.
• Question for you guys…do we like Kim Kardashian? Yes? No? Why? (Element: Audience interaction | Results: Kept audience engage at Naughty Nads)

Punchline:

• The major criticism is that’s she’s gotten a lot from doing very little. (Action: delivered matter-of-factly + nod head)
• ….am I the only one that finds that….IMPRESSIVE!? (Action: stop nodding + turn head | Element: Misdirection)

Tag:

• I’ve been trying to do a lot with a little for 28 years…it’s hard…no really it’s hard;that’s the problem! (Action: point to crotch | Results: Hit Naughty Nadz | Element: Misdirection)

How Does Kim Kardashian Get So Much Attention?

Premise:

• I have a blog, and for a thousand hits a day, I’d change my religion.

Punchline:

• You know she gets a million hits? (Wait for answer) No, for that she’d get 20 million hits. (Element: Audience Interaction)
• Let me tell you something: she could drop a cashew nut on the ground and the CASHEW would get a 500K followers on Twitter the very next day.

Tag:

• And if it played it’s card right, It might even get nominated for, ‘Legume of the year.’ Unbelievable.
• (If heckled, ‘Cashew is not a legume.’ Listen kumkwat: I’ll show you two legumes after the show.)

Tag:

• U of t marketing professors should do a study on her called, ‘Popping Your #$%@#! To Fame and Fortune.’

Kim Kardashian Made Millions from Having Sex ONCE

Premise:

• Who’s the guy she had sex with? (Action: Wait for answer)
• Some of you guys have it backwards…Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J, she fucked him.
• Dude…she made millions from having sex once…ONCE!

Punchline:

• There are pornstars that have had sex everyday on camera for the past 15 years that still have to use 2 Can Dine for 6.99 coupons at McDonald’s…she made millions by having sex ONCE, and it wasn’t even in HD.(Results: hit at Naughty Nadz)
• What’d Ray J get? That’s right: nobody cares.

Tag:

• Some girls get STD’s when they have sex…what’d she get? A media fucking empire. …and I’m pretty sure Ray J doesn’t ejaculate fame and fortune….
• well, I’m 99% percent sure he doesn’t…ejaculate..fame…and fortune…

Tag:

• Take the number of women in here…….multiply that by the number of dicks they’ve sucked…we’re talking millions!
• The closest they got to making millions was the money shot they took in face.

Tag:

• I had sex the other day, and all I got was a long sigh of disappointment and a lifetime subscription to, ‘Feeling Inadequate Around Black Guys‘ magazine.’ (THANKS GREG FOR THE INSPIRATION ON THIS ONE!)
• Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J. You know what she did? …She (Element: Audience Interaction |audience finishes sentence)

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By Pluginin.org

Guest Blogger

Michael Jagdeo Blog

Canada’s Emerging Comedian Michael Jagdeo Selects His Favorite Comedians

Some of you, well let’s face it, all of you may be a little puzzled about my picks…Russell Peters?  Joe Rogan?  Are you serious?  What about Hedburg and Rickles and …

Let me explain:  a great comedian, in my definition, is someone that has been able to handle both the mic AND the money well.

In this day and age, it’s simply not enough to be a good artist.  I’ll go out on a limb to say we may never hear the best musicians because they sometimes simply don’t know how to advertise themselves.

So here’s why I picked them:
Richard Pryor:  he made jokes about having sex with white women in the seventies.  Wow.  From impressions to story-telling to character work, it’s easy to understand why he’s  favorite.

Paul Mooney – he co-wrote many of Richard Pryor’s stand-up material and many of his sketches on SNL.  In addition, his stand-up body of work is impressive because he’s funny while presenting very poignant arguments; something I want to be able to perfect in my own act.

Ricky Gervais – The Office. The Extras.  The Ricky Gervais show (podcast).  The body of work speaks for itself.  He’s also great at presenting arguments (as long as he’s not arguing with Mr. Karl Dilkington, that is.

Louis CK – his stand up stands the test of time.  In addition, he’s the first guy I heard to called his 5-year old daughter retarded.

Joe Rogan – I prefer his podcasts to his stand-up, myself, but that’s probably because I’m a huge nerd .  What impresses me about Joe is his business savvy.  He has the number one podcast and is immensely popular on Twitter.  His fans have access to him and he’s created a following that few comedians have.  That’s the future of comedy: comedians creating followings that they take with them wherever they go, regardless of which channel or radio station they’re on.

Jerry Seinfeld – Timeless.  I read Sein Language in grade seven and it had me rolling with laughter even then.  My friends didn’t get it…

Dane Cook – I don’t know any recent comedians that have been able to sell out Madison Square Gardens TWICE.  Love him or hate him, he couldn’t care less.he has a family of fans that he interacts with on a daily basis that loves him.

Dave Chappelle – the transition from stand-up to late night has left a lot dead bodies on the battlefield.  He killed it, and left on his own terms.

Russell Peters – stand up good, business side and audience engagement great.

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