By Guest Blogger: Michael Jagdeo (Comedian)

Yesterday I mused that celebrities attract us because they are the most successful of our species. It’s lead me to write the following bit that is going to be a candidate to enter my seven-minute stand-up comedy set.

UPDATED Feb 7 2012! Since visiting an open mic, I’ve updated this joke (older version can be seen at the end of this post)

Kim Kardashian Fucked them…now you want to Boycott her?

Premise:

• I was doing a search on Kim Kardashian the other day and I came across a site calledBoycottKim.com…I guess they hated her.
• Question for you guys…do we like Kim Kardashian? Yes? No? Why? (Element: Audience interaction | Results: Kept audience engage at Naughty Nads)

Punchline:

• The major criticism is that’s she’s gotten a lot from doing very little. (Action: delivered matter-of-factly + nod head)
• ….am I the only one that finds that….IMPRESSIVE!? (Action: stop nodding + turn head | Element: Misdirection)

Tag:

• I’ve been trying to do a lot with a little for 28 years…it’s hard…no really it’s hard;that’s the problem! (Action: point to crotch | Results: Hit Naughty Nadz | Element: Misdirection)

How Does Kim Kardashian Get So Much Attention?

Premise:

• I have a blog, and for a thousand hits a day, I’d change my religion.

Punchline:

• You know she gets a million hits? (Wait for answer) No, for that she’d get 20 million hits. (Element: Audience Interaction)
• Let me tell you something: she could drop a cashew nut on the ground and the CASHEW would get a 500K followers on Twitter the very next day.

Tag:

• And if it played it’s card right, It might even get nominated for, ‘Legume of the year.’ Unbelievable.
• (If heckled, ‘Cashew is not a legume.’ Listen kumkwat: I’ll show you two legumes after the show.)

Tag:

• U of t marketing professors should do a study on her called, ‘Popping Your #$%@#! To Fame and Fortune.’

Kim Kardashian Made Millions from Having Sex ONCE

Premise:

• Who’s the guy she had sex with? (Action: Wait for answer)
• Some of you guys have it backwards…Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J, she fucked him.
• Dude…she made millions from having sex once…ONCE!

Punchline:

• There are pornstars that have had sex everyday on camera for the past 15 years that still have to use 2 Can Dine for 6.99 coupons at McDonald’s…she made millions by having sex ONCE, and it wasn’t even in HD.(Results: hit at Naughty Nadz)
• What’d Ray J get? That’s right: nobody cares.

Tag:

• Some girls get STD’s when they have sex…what’d she get? A media fucking empire. …and I’m pretty sure Ray J doesn’t ejaculate fame and fortune….
• well, I’m 99% percent sure he doesn’t…ejaculate..fame…and fortune…

Tag:

• Take the number of women in here…….multiply that by the number of dicks they’ve sucked…we’re talking millions!
• The closest they got to making millions was the money shot they took in face.

Tag:

• I had sex the other day, and all I got was a long sigh of disappointment and a lifetime subscription to, ‘Feeling Inadequate Around Black Guys‘ magazine.’ (THANKS GREG FOR THE INSPIRATION ON THIS ONE!)
• Kim Kardashian didn’t get fucked by Ray J. You know what she did? …She (Element: Audience Interaction |audience finishes sentence)

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